Body Control

Being pregnant and schizophrenic is one of the strangest things that I have ever experienced in my life. On the best of days, I have a horrific relationship with my body. I find flaws everywhere – I’m fat, my hair is frizzy, my face is oily, my nose is too big, I have a unibrow […]

XXXXXXX XXXXXX XXX

it’s been a month. i’ve never gone this long without talking to you. i had to remove your name from the family group updates for lily because your phone is no longer in service. i have to resave your last voicemail to me because fucking tmobile thinks that i want it gone. i had to […]

what you taught me that dad didn’t

how to change speeds on a ten speed bike how to pick myself up again when i fall and scrape my knees how to be happy with the little things how to identify the birds of North America how to tell how much rain fell overnight how to enjoy western movies how to handle mom […]

Preemie Mom

On August 28th I write a note in my phone Reminding me that I need a new depo shot In November. then I collect my things And leave the hospital. There is no bow on my door Announcing my daughters arrival There is no cooing baby in the cruelly empty bassinet My breasts ache from […]

a mother’s reward

The way your face lights up when your mobile comes on at 4:37 am The feeling of comfort I get as you run your small hands over my neck and chest Trying to find the perfect spot The coos you make as you rub your forehead Across mine, Back and forth meshing the hair of […]

role models

when i was younger i wanted more than anything to be carrie fisher or jennifer saunders or bette midler ended up as dawn french but that’s okay – at least i’m still laughing

I don’t know why it bothers me It shouldn’t bother me That’s what I tell people all the time But I can’t get it from my mind The chorus in my head fills in the blanks Why was it my fault it’s always been that way I thought I had put you to rest You […]